Chaser and the chased

Yugandhar is the chaser and you are his prey. You hold Yugandhar in eternal awe. He is the master of your shivers. But who is this Yugandhar anyway?

Well, the first known Yugandhar dates back to your early childhood. He was your father's friend who, you were led to believe, owned the local jail. You took refuge under the dining table or in the wardrobe when you sensed his arrival. You cried silently when your sister called out your name from outside your hideout. Later Yugandhar turned himself into the school teacher who wore a constant frown on her face that towered down at you from a great distance in sky. You swore you would never in life displease this monster of a Yugandhar. You turn 15 and he turns 15. He outdoes you at school, play and girls. It’s as if he reads your bid the night before and pegs higher. You see him drive nail after nail in the coffin of your ego. In your mental Wikipedia you update the 'list of my Yugandhars with the new name and write half-heartedly yet submissively "in office - 2002 to present". Your legend has it that a brotherhood of Yugandhars exists. They hold ceremonies to induct a new member. They constantly research on ways to torment you. Some good days you thought God would appoint a counter Yugandhar brotherhood. You badly wanted to get in should there be one.

But your common sense and courage sometimes convince the better part of you. You rubbish these theories and breathe easy. But you are silently looking for clues to re-affirm your old faiths. It’s as if you have slammed the door on the face of your fears and waited behind eagerly with an ear pressed to the door. But then Yugandhar is your brain-child, your magnum opus. How can you abandon it? You slowly learn ways to accommodate the theories and look at yourself as a victim of someone else rather than one of yourself.

But let’s hear the case for the Yugandhars. They hardly spoke to you. They held no malice for you. In fact some did not know you. They hold it against you that it is you who constantly scanned for Yugandhars. You sought applications, scrutinized their formidability and recruited. You kept raising the bar. You always wanted the most fearsome Yugandhar.You painted people black and white,you marked them as Yugandhar  or not. And then you crawled back, panicked in the shell of your life after having found him. They swear they gave up on you at times. But you acted weird in those days. You did OK for some time. But gradually you started acting as if your life forces have ceased to operate. Your mind is out of balance and you need the constant suppressant of the fear of a reigning Yugandhar. They declared you a Yugandhar-addict, a masochist and no cure is in sight. They hid or ran away from you. But you sought them with your supernatural senses. You found them and pleaded them to torment you. They learnt that the pain you suffer while having them was far less than your struggle and anxiety in their absence. They convinced themselves to submit to your cause.

So who is the Yugandhar now? A circling question?

First, you know you are being chased. Second, you know you are chasing too.The closer you get to him the farther you get away from him.The chaser stops and the chased stops. Third and important, you should discover that there is only one circling around the tree. And a circling answer indeed.