A letter from the more oblivious

They say all men are created equal. I think not, because not everyone is endowed with the distinct ability to put this ruthless question - "How can you forget?". This is what we forgetful lot are offended by. Even conceding our defeat in silence, to pump your ego up, isn't sufficient sometimes. While the act of putting this rhetorical question itself does not make you sound like a total moron, expecting an answer definitely does, in our eyes at least. If you could hear our inner voice choking under the heavy boots of your superior mental ability, it would be "Had I known, you wouldn't have had to put the question in the first place."

Frankly, I do not pride on my forgetfulness. The mental picture I hold of my past-self is that of a wild elephant living freely in the wild, unburdened by this curious ability of making certain things pop up and flash out of thin gray matter. But, Sir, you have strategically slashed that whip of your question and tamed me into a circus creature, driven by guilt more than fear. A machine that is powered by its own guilt is probably a great possession. Now I wouldn't know that, would I? Talking about machines, technology hasn't made my life easier either. I always ran out of space for reminders on phone. I wasted time in prioritizing a few among the n things I can get my phone to help me remember. Most other times, I forgot to carry or charge my phone. In a few cases, obvious of all, I forgot to set reminders.

Biologists may like to differ, but I like to believe the following. Part of your brain has been commissioned for this non-volatile memory and the same space has been earmarked in ours for some mysterious super natural ability that shall be called upon, at an appropriate time, to save the universe. When the time is ripe I will be able to answer your question more comprehensively - "I kept forgetting things all the while so I can save you now. You are welcome. And I forgive you"

Chaser and the chased

Yugandhar is the chaser and you are his prey. You hold Yugandhar in eternal awe. He is the master of your shivers. But who is this Yugandhar anyway?

Well, the first known Yugandhar dates back to your early childhood. He was your father's friend who, you were led to believe, owned the local jail. You took refuge under the dining table or in the wardrobe when you sensed his arrival. You cried silently when your sister called out your name from outside your hideout. Later Yugandhar turned himself into the school teacher who wore a constant frown on her face that towered down at you from a great distance in sky. You swore you would never in life displease this monster of a Yugandhar. You turn 15 and he turns 15. He outdoes you at school, play and girls. It’s as if he reads your bid the night before and pegs higher. You see him drive nail after nail in the coffin of your ego. In your mental Wikipedia you update the 'list of my Yugandhars with the new name and write half-heartedly yet submissively "in office - 2002 to present". Your legend has it that a brotherhood of Yugandhars exists. They hold ceremonies to induct a new member. They constantly research on ways to torment you. Some good days you thought God would appoint a counter Yugandhar brotherhood. You badly wanted to get in should there be one.

But your common sense and courage sometimes convince the better part of you. You rubbish these theories and breathe easy. But you are silently looking for clues to re-affirm your old faiths. It’s as if you have slammed the door on the face of your fears and waited behind eagerly with an ear pressed to the door. But then Yugandhar is your brain-child, your magnum opus. How can you abandon it? You slowly learn ways to accommodate the theories and look at yourself as a victim of someone else rather than one of yourself.

But let’s hear the case for the Yugandhars. They hardly spoke to you. They held no malice for you. In fact some did not know you. They hold it against you that it is you who constantly scanned for Yugandhars. You sought applications, scrutinized their formidability and recruited. You kept raising the bar. You always wanted the most fearsome Yugandhar.You painted people black and white,you marked them as Yugandhar  or not. And then you crawled back, panicked in the shell of your life after having found him. They swear they gave up on you at times. But you acted weird in those days. You did OK for some time. But gradually you started acting as if your life forces have ceased to operate. Your mind is out of balance and you need the constant suppressant of the fear of a reigning Yugandhar. They declared you a Yugandhar-addict, a masochist and no cure is in sight. They hid or ran away from you. But you sought them with your supernatural senses. You found them and pleaded them to torment you. They learnt that the pain you suffer while having them was far less than your struggle and anxiety in their absence. They convinced themselves to submit to your cause.

So who is the Yugandhar now? A circling question?

First, you know you are being chased. Second, you know you are chasing too.The closer you get to him the farther you get away from him.The chaser stops and the chased stops. Third and important, you should discover that there is only one circling around the tree. And a circling answer indeed.

a race

This one is on a sudden flash of thought that occurred two days back.I admit I think very intensely on things of no practical significance, so intensely that on a pleasant sunday morning, spending just about an hour with myself, I could convince myself to a suicide.Too bad it never happened.Read on.

The idea is to sum up all the pain in the world and divide it by the world population.This gives something which I would call per capita pain.Now your absolute pain less the per capita pain gives your relative pain.Simple math rite!Yes.Now the realization of your relative pain can effect your absolute pain to some extent by way of " Ok I am not really that pained.Am I?".Taking that relief into account, now calculate your absolute pain again.Iterate the new data through the above said math.See where you stand.This new relative pain is a complex manifestation of your pain,your perception of your pain, your sympathy towards others and importantly how realistic you are. The idea is to remove the colored glasses you wear when you are assessing your pain.Well this exercise may make you more sadder than before.So use your discretion.

I tried this on myself.I always find myself iterating it many times and my absolute pain sinuously moving around the average.And I end up in a perpetual race condition between happiness and sadness.As I write this I realize this is what leads to my mood swings.